Decisions

"You will not make wrong choices in life, for regardless of how many forks there are in the road, there is only one path you will take, the one defined by the choices you make, and that path is the right one."

Haha, that's kewl. I didn't know that about me...

I love fear! It's one of my favorite emotions. That's why I love gymnastics so much, that's why I always work up the balls to talk to the pretty girl across the room, that's why I jumped off a bridge. In all these moments I fully felt my fear. I like to feel fear, it's fukin' kewl. Just like the rest of our emotions.

Feeling emotions can be one of the most simple yet amazing parts of our life experience. And yet, many of us suppress our emotions, judge ourselves for feeling a certain way, and generally determine the value of our lives in terms of breadth as opposed to depth.

Think of your life as a story. Breadth would be the number of pages, the characters, and events of the story. In our lives, breadth would be the length of our life, the people we knew, the things we did, and the places we saw. But, we've all had a story that we've read over and over without getting bored of it, sometimes that story even got better each time we read it. Those stories have depth. The quality of our life story is not only determined by breadth, but depth as well.

How deep and meaningful were our relationships? How often did we truly stop and appreciate the beauty in the world? How many of us felt our emotions fully, and lived each moment? Did we really get to know ourselves? Lemme repeat that one. Did we really get to know ourselves, in OUR life story?

Just because we're busy, doesn't mean we're accomplishing anything. Some people make it all the way to grandparenthood without a single hesitation of depth. So, my point is not to make anyone feel sad about how they lead their life, but if we do feel sad, let's feel that sadness and not judge it.

For that that work well with bullet points:

• Don't judge yourself
• Feel your emotions fully, and live in the moment
• Explore the depth of experiences in life
  

Socrates' great question

(This one is kinda philosophical. If you don't like the deep thinking, just skip over to "Journey Brazil")

Ancient Greek Philosopher Socrates, and a whole bunch of other people, in all walks of life, have encountered the personal internal journey. Socrates expressed, "Know thyself." In this vast universe, on our blue planet, we live. And at some point in our lives, we each realize, this is a fuckin' mystery! What is this place?! What are the Stars?! What is the meaning of all this?! And so our personal journey to develop self-awareness and find answers to our crazy questions begins.

In the quest to know thyself, the first question that arises is, "who am I?" A parallel question which can be asked is, "what am I?" or rather "What is my life?" I think this is a far more interesting question because of what type of thinking it leads to in looking for answers. "Who" is a very shallow question, with shallow answers. The "what" questions hold the potential for far more depth, so the better question then is, "What is my life?" And I answer, "It is a story...."

Reflection

I wanna encourage everyone to Reflect.

I've been in Brazil for a few weeks now, that initial high is wearing off and the challenge has materialized. I'd like to quote Sarah. Her words do more justice than mine in describing this state:

"Not having your friends and support network around you is probably one of the toughest things that I've found living abroad, harder than dealing with a new language, culture, currency or any of those other things that you can learn. Make the most of the time away from your comfort zone, you will learn a lot about yourself. It will simultaneously make you more independent and value the people who mean a lot to you even more than you did before."

--Sarah Stafford

The first time I went on "traineeship," I was nine years old. I went to live for 3 months with my mother's parents in Greece. On the second day I puked, cried my eyes out, and slept for twenty hours, hoping I'd wake up at home. The experience here in Brazil has been intense as well, though I've been responding slightly differently. My main response to that lonely state has been reflection. I've had a lot of time with myself, time to reflect, time to read write and study, and more time to reflect.

In reflecting, I've taken an interest in understanding the experiences in my life that have shaped me. And that's not to say that the things that happen TO you Define you. False. You define yourself. The experiences we have in life offer a lens for us to look through to see ourselves. I've been spending some time looking through that lens, and I've discovered a couple of experiences in my life that have built me........(to be continued)

Journey Brazil

(If you can't read five paragraphs just read the fifth.)

I was driving over to WaMu when it really sunk in that I'd be spending three months in Brazil. It's kind of daunting, three months, a totally foreign world, I don't speak the language, I won't have my friends or family. And, I was going to leave in three days.

I packed, boarded my aeroplane, make words with a French single-serving friend, missed my connection, got ripped off at the airport in Sao Paulo, waited....a....lot...for....the...next...flight, and finally arrived. Throughout the whole trip my mind was an expectations roller coaster. "Brazil's gonna be sick! I'm gonna go clubbing Brazilian style, get laid, be an awesome help to the LC, learn to surf, learn Portuguese. It's gonna Rock!" And then I'd go, "Fuck, I'm not going to have any friends, I'm gonna be alone for three months without anyone I know, I might get kidnapped, the LC won't like me, I won't even be able to talk to people. Shit why am I doing this?!" And needless to say things on both ends came true.

The first kewl thing was that a couple of AIESEC members picked me up at the airport. (Thanks, Marcelo e Carolina!) The LC down here is amazing. Everyone has been really nice to me, shown me around, been really understanding and kewl. I really feel blessed. Surfing is absolutely crazy!!! I definitely want to learn, but it's gonna be hard. It is freakin' freezing down here at night. I had to buy a jacket. Portuguese is really hard. The Brazilian girls are absolutely beautiful. The nature is just as beautiful.

On the flip side it has been one of the most challenging things to make my life down here. None of my family or friends are here. There is nothing I'm used to to rely on, no subway, no 411, none of that. Exchange is really a challenging, hard experience. It doesn't say that on the marketing materials, but it truly is a challenge. Take it though, it's one of the most amazingly rewarding things, and I'm only on week one.

One last thing, and I'll write more about the experience as time goes on, but I had another objective for going on exchange, and it has nothing to do with culture or adventure directly. I wanted to learn about myself. I thought that if I left my home, family, friends, if I shed my identity as a student, and left my city, and put myself in a totally different place, with different people, values, norms, and environment, then I would be able to learn something about myself. If I completely changed the external things, then what would remain constant in my daily experience is myself. And I have begun to learn about myself already. I have learned that my insecurities are internal. I'm hesitant of the same things down here as I am back home. I have the same fears, the same worries, and the same nagging concerns. I hate fear. I think fear holds people back. And the idea that it is internal, and maybe the environment can trigger it, but ultimately it is within the self. That idea is very encouraging, enabling, empowering. Facing, conquering, controlling, acknowledging, managing, understanding, overcoming (or whatever else you do with your fear) is, at its core, a choice....

Test

First post just wanna test things out.

C